there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize