I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You are the jesus of drinking
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
