Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
