After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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