This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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