How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
