I feel great
I just peed on a car
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize