i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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