Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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