sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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