My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
