I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Let's get the cat blown out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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