Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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