my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
