VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
