I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
