My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
