I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
