It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.