Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night