He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
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Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.