Apparently you make a good broom.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize