im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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