There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
