He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
