The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
