Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
