fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
