How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
