I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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