I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
