I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
