I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
