Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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