Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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