grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
