you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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