after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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