so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
