you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
