I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
