ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
