Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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