ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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