We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
