I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
