There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
