She is in my trunk
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
