um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
