I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
