thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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