After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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