remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
