you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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