Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
