You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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