on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
