Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may now shotgun with the bride
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize