no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
