his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
