My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm at about main and main street
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
