were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize