dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
