You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
