PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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